Review: Ted Lasso S3 E2 “(I Don’t Want to Go to) Chelsea”

By Colleen Glatfelter aka Geek. Dad. Wife.

Long live the sour yell?

Episode 2 of the third season of Ted Lasso, “(I Don’t Want to Go to) Chelsea,” brought the return of Trent Crimm, delved deeper into Keely’s PR firm, and introduced Italian football superstar Zava.

We start off with Trent Crimm in Rebecca’s office, wanting to follow the team around to write a book about them. Rebecca, Keely, and Leslie leave the decision up to Ted, who ignores their loud head shakes and agrees to let him into the clubhouse to do it.

Why? Because there’s “no time like the present,” he explains. “Except 11:11, that’s my wishing time…or 23:11 if I’m at a military base or Euro Disney.”

The Ted-isms were STRONG this episode, so if you enjoy them, then you’re really gonna love “(I Don’t Want to Go to) Chelsea.”

During the meeting with Crimm, news breaks that Italian football player and well-known diva Zava (based on real-life Swedish striker Zlatan Ibrahimović) is moving to England because his wife is a fan of the British version of “The Office,” which Ted is quick to label a “premake” (told ya the Ted-isms are heavy this ep). Everyone agrees he’s too much of a handful to add to the Richmond mix. That is, until Rebecca hears that Rupert’s wooing him to join West Ham.

“Who doesn’t love a handful?” That’s what she said, Rebecca.

Meanwhile, body language tips Isaac and Jamie off that Roy and Keely have broken up. In a hilarious exchange, Jamie attempts to hug Roy, only to be rebuffed by his grumpy former teammate, prompting Jamie to comment, “I forgot how skittish elderly people are ‘cause of the war.” I really liked that Jamie chose to comfort Roy instead of making a move on Keely.

Jamie (and poor clubhouse attendant Will) take a vow of secrecy but it’s too late. In what may be my favorite scene of the episode, the team learns about the Zava possibility while confronting Roy about the breakup, incorrectly assuming that Keely broke up with him. When Roy reveals that he did the dumping, it’s comedic gold. The yelps and near-faint slayed me. An absolute A+.

Roy’s day gets worse when he discovers that Crimm will be following the team and forbids anyone from talking to him.

It’s finally game day! For the first match of the season, Richmond is playing Chelsea, the team that Roy played for during the height of his career. We see our old friends at The Crown & Anchor! The news is out that Zava, who refused to consider Richmond, will be playing for Chelsea. He’s there for the post-game announcement and who should show up but Rupert Mannion himself. Rebecca is beside herself with anxiety, just knowing that Rupert will succeed in getting him to sign with West Ham because she knows from personal experience that her ex-husband always gets what he wants.

Being a Boss Ass B*tch (BAB), she decides to take matters into her own hands. As she approaches Zava, Rupert’s there yet again. She tries to match wits with him but he ultimately lands a blow that only an ex-husband can land, and psychs her out. As he swaggers away, Rebecca is furious and does her best Claire Underwood, barging in on Zava as he’s having some lengthy urinal time, telling him that he’s a coward for picking winning teams where he won’t have to prove his talent. “You’re overrated. You’re overpaid. And you eat too much f*cking asparagus.”

Real queen sh*t.

It’s half-time and the team is trying to strategize how to get back into the game. Danny almost accidentally scored with his face but they need a solid strategy. “We are being so unoffensive we may as well be a Hallmark Christmas movie,” Ted proclaims.

Trent walks in and everyone goes silent. Ted pulls Roy aside and tells him to get over himself while simultaneously explaining what a Hallmark Christmas movie is. I loved this exchange but sometimes, the non-linear, serious conversations within the show feel a little forced.

So, Roy takes Crimm aside to settle their differences, explaining that his grudge goes back to when he was a 17-year-old rookie and the former reporter gave him a bad write-up that “wrecked him.” An apology ensures and Roy gives everyone permission to talk to Trent again. Hooray for maturely talking things out after immaturely handling them in the first place! And hooray for those really lengthy half-times because a lot of story always goes down during them. The last time I was at a professional soccer match, I was like 10. Are half-times always 30+ minutes long?

Rebecca returns from her bathroom trip, sharing with Keely and Leslie that she did the opposite of sweet talking Zava, which Keely defines as a “sour yell.” She’s convinced that she’s lost Zava to Rupert but…plot twist! As he’s supposed to sign with Chelsea live on-air, the footballer announces that he’s changed his mind and will be playing for Richmond instead. (I mean, we all saw that one coming, right?!) Oooh, Rupert is big mad now!!

The players find out about Zava and everyone except Jamie Tartt is overjoyed. Jamie mutters about how the fans aren’t going to like this, but we cut to The Crown & Anchor crowd jumping for joy. Does this foreshadow some bigger Jamie/Zava plotline to come?

In a small subplot involving Keely and her PR firm, it’s revealed that her boring employees all work for the company that brought in CFO Barbara. To color things up a little bit, Keely hires her friend Shandy (Ambreen Razia), which invokes an unnecessarily rude response from Barbara. Keely marches into her office to tell her off, but this is Ted Lasso so she instead ends up disarming her cranky colleague by bonding with her over snow globes. I really hope Shandy works out for Keely. The texts about in-office mimosas on a work day has me a little weary about where that’s going.

In the final scene, Roy rips up the negative Crimm review that he’s held onto for decades and shares with him and Ted that being back in Chelsea reminded him of the moment he realized that he was not playing as well anymore. He left the team after that season and ended up at Richmond. Ted reminds him that if he hadn’t left Chelsea, they never would have met.

It’s a nice moment to end on, but naturally we must get one last Ted-ism in before the credits roll.

“Sport. It’s quite a metaphor.” Crimm tells Ted after Roy leaves.

“It’s also makes for a heckuva nickname,” Ted responds. “Good night, Sport.”

I loved “(I Don’t Want to Go to) Chelsea.” I know some people are weary of the extended episode lengths (this clocked in at 47 minutes) but I’m here for it. If this really is the last season, gimme more episode!

Some last thoughts:

  • While I love it when Rebecca unleashes her BAB side and totally get her desire to beat Rupert, I hope it doesn’t backfire on her from an impulsive decision.
  • Will Zava fit in or will he end up causing a locker room civil war? Will he get the old Lasso treatment and become a humble team player by the finale? WHO KNOWS?
  • Rebecca telling Zava that he’s washed up ties in nicely with Roy’s confession in the last scene.
  • In his apology to Roy, Trent says, “I thought I was being edgy. All I really did was look for the worst in people.” It struck me that this is The Ted Effect: He always looks for the best in people. We see it with Trent and with the Keely/Barbara scene. Ted’s rubbing off on everyone. (TWSS.)

What were your thoughts? Let us know in the comments!